body positivity · Uncategorized

The highs and lows of my actual thoughts on Women’s Day and our beauty obsessed culture.

Yesterday was International Women’s Day and I found myself thinking about what it means to be a woman. Where we are, how far we’ve come and what we need to do to gain the equality that we still don’t have.

I heard a lot about how we all need to support one another. I also thought about the women in my life who have been role models and taught me about strength, resiliency and how to be a good friend. I was feeling all, I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!”

Then I went to the gym for a boot camp class with lots of other women. Great way to celebrate the strong woman I am right?! 👊🏻 💪🏻 Usually I workout at home where I’m not in front of a mirror or when I go to the gym I’m off to the side so I don’t see myself. But last night I had a few close encounters with the mirror in the circuit we were doing and I hated it! I saw the fat around my hips – aka saddle bags (who coined that term anyway?) Then I moved up to stomach and asked myself, why is it so big, I eat well and I workout regularly and then up to my arms which I quickly decided are so big and then over to the fat between my chest and armpits and wondered how do I make that go away?!

F#@K

And don’t even get me started on how I feel about my skin these days. It’s like I turned 38 and the world new it was time to start telling me how much younger I could look. I am still dealing with the effects of adult acne which now that it’s gotten better has left me with some small scars but add those to my large pores and my skin texture is (in my mind) horrible. Not to mention that I’m also starting to get jowls, mother f, I’m going to have to invest in that treatment that’s about $1500 in order to nip this all in the bud!

Jeez…. did I mention that all of this ran through my mind in less than a minute.

Thankfully I have some practices that I’ve learned for times when this kind of negative thinking starts running through my mind.

a. unfollow or put the phone down.

b. If I’m at the mirror, stop that thinking even though I really want to go down that road and collect all the evidence for why I’m not good enough and broken (or needing to be “fixed”) and instead I replace those thoughts with a few loving thoughts… thank you Louise Hay (the godmother of positive affirmations)… my skin in healthy, healing and glowing.

And when I was at the gym I replaced those thoughts with, you’re strong, you’re giving your body love, you are blessed to be able to exercise, you are good enough just the way you are. I sent that out to everyone in the room because I had a feeling a lot of them were probably beating themselves up too.

Even though I have been working on learning to love my body more a over the past few years, it can be a constant struggle, especially when we live in a world that always wants to fix us.

I woke up this morning and felt really good. I laid in bed, took a few deep breaths, thought about how great I felt and how grateful I was.

I got up and this good vibe feeling was flowing right up until I checked in on instagram.

It was a simple enough post that triggered my good vibes to stop dead in their tracks and set off all of my “you’re not good enough” alarms. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I need to get off Instagram, maybe it’s just my own anxieties but I’ve been realizing more and more lately just how obsessed our culture is with an unrealistic standard of beauty.

After seeing the post that made me feel like I needed to fix myself immediately or hide away from the world forever, I did a little research and found a book called “Beauty Sick, How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women” by Dr. Renee Engeln, a psychology professor and body image researcher at Northwestern University and I watcher her Ted talk.

This is the description of her talk on YouTube, “Girls grow up hearing both implicit and explicit messages suggesting that the most important attribute they can strive for is beauty. The chronic focus on beauty directs cognitive, financial, and emotional resources away from other more important goals. Dr. Engeln considers whether there is hope for treating the epidemic of beauty sickness and what it might be like to live in a world where women feel free to spend less time in front of the mirror and more time changing the world.”

Yessss!!!! As I listened to the talk, I started to feel better. Phew, I’m not alone. A few weeks ago, I actually decided not to look in the mirror as much. I spend most days working at home without makeup on and it’s too easy to go down the rabbit hole of self hate if I do, so I have started just looking down as I wash my hands and moving on. A, nothing to see here folks, approach. Get in and get out! It sounds sad, I realize that. But it’s better than the alternative in my opinion. And hey, if you are in a place right now where every time you look at your un-done up face and think, damn I’m perfect! Good for you!!! I hope to get to that place too. And no it won’t be because I buy your miracle anti age attacking face cream. But again, if that worked for you, great. But please don’t email me and tell me you can fix my skin. It reminds me of the time that I shared my engagement news at a women’s networking group. This group’s whole foundation was based on the power we as women had when we joined together. I loved it! Anyways, so I got back to my desk after that meeting and received a call from a fellow member of this group. After we exchanged niceties she went on to say, “so I thought with your upcoming wedding that you’d want to lose some weight and I have just the shake to help you do that.”

OMG!!!

No thank you. Bye.

The sad part was I wasn’t really shocked that someone would say that to me. I was a size 11/12 at the time after all (insert sarcasm) and was used to being body shamed at that point in my life. Sad but true.

And I also know that In some industry’s that’s how they make their money. They are encouraged to prey on other people’s insecurities and pain points. And yes, if you know me, right now, you’re probably thinking, but wait, don’t you partner with a company that sells shakes? Yes, I do. But I can tell you that I didn’t start adding them to my life because the person who told me about them said I should lose weight for my upcoming wedding. And she didn’t tell me that she could fix me with them. I bought them because I wanted more nutrients in my life, that’s all. Her social media wasn’t filled with, lose weight, look better promos, before and afters, and other messages that made me feel not good enough. And I liked that. Some people may like the other way. I can only speak for myself.

Full disclosure: In a blog post from a few years ago, I did post a before and after and I have on my insta once too. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with before and afters. But I do believe in everything in moderation. And also asking, what is the motivation for posting.

And don’t get me wrong! I love facials, and treatments and getting dolled up. I enjoy the way I look with make up on and my hair done. I just don’t want to feel obsessed with it. And if my acne scars never go away and my teeth never get as white as the people I see on tv, then I want to feel ok with that. Because hopefully I will have a lot more aging in my future and I’d like to enjoy those years and all of the goodness that comes with them.

The comment about shedding the weight before my wedding was made in 2008 and the tedtalk I mentioned above was 2013. Have we evolved for the better since then?

I think we have and we haven’t.

There is a lot more body love, body positive messages out there today then when I was growing up.

For example, messages like the Dove Real beauty sketches video on YouTube. The one where women describe themselves to a sketch artist who can’t see them. It is a powerful reminder to be nicer to ourselves. But, as another person pointed out on their blog, it still narrows down a women’s value to being wrapped up in beauty only.

Still on my hunt for what the internet thought about this beauty obsessed culture we live in, I came across Carrie Hammers Ted Talk “The Business of Beauty is Very Ugly.”

She says that only 4% of women identify as beautiful. Ugh.

Ok so maybe we don’t need to feel beautiful to be whole? I’m down with that. But sadly when we aren’t feeling beautiful we are probably feeling a lot of other not cool things.

In her research she found that

“Women not feeling beautiful has huge, dangerous echoing effects on our society,” Hammer says. “Eight out of ten women opt out of important life events when they don’t feel [attractive] … Young girls self-select themselves out of sports, activities or even raising their hand in class because they don’t want to draw attention to how they look.” As an adolescent, Hammer never saw anyone who looked like her in magazine pages, and so she assumed she must not be beautiful and that beauty products would “fix” her. “[I did] what the magazines told me to,” she says. “I bowed down to the beauty bibles — started chemically straightening my hair … started hating my skin color, my thighs.”

You’ve probably been there too. I know I have been. And as I’ve already stated, I seem to still be there as my body and my skin evolves. #funtimes

But what I really liked about Carrie’s talk is what she had to say about how unrealistic these beauty standards are.

And I’m not just talking about an Instagram filter here and there either.

She talks about how 12 year old models are made to look like they’re 30 and then marketed targeted to adult women. I mean, wtf. No wonder we feel like we’ll never look young enough!

Hammer discusses “Frankenstein Photoshop,” in which photo editors use multiple models to make one image. “Recently, a famous 70-something celebrity was photographed for the cover of a big magazine,” Hammer says, “[for the shoot] but apparently they thought her legs looked too old so a younger leg model was called in, photographed and her legs were superimposed over the star’s for the cover.”

We are living in a world of delusion she says.

And with apps like FaceTune, which I just googled to get a brief description of, we really can’t trust anything we see online. Google it. Look at the video tutorials that show kids and marketers how to use it.

A before-and-after of a photo Hammer edited with Facetune (Photo: Carrie Hammer)

It’s no wonder people are logging off social media these days.

I’m not pointing fingers at anyone here. Because as I have learned that when I point my finger, there are always three pointing back at me. I can only look at myself and try to do better.

We’ve all been raised in this beauty sick culture. We are all trying to do our best I believe. And for me that means, keeping an open mind. What works for some doesn’t mean it will work for me. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, beliefs and opinions. I can only take care of my own and do my best to practice the golden rule. “Do onto others as I’ve had done onto me.”

And we can all be role models by what we do and say in front of the next generation of girls and boys. I saw this first hand while hanging out with my seven year old niece last summer at the cottage. The magazine I was reading which was a health magazine had six very fit women on the cover all with their abs of steel showing. I noticed her looking at the cover deep in thought. And I wondered what she was thinking. Was her brain being washed with this delusion of perfection? It made my heart sad. But it reminded me to keep my own brain free of that nonsense and to not beat myself up in front of her and also to give her praise and acknowledgment for more than just how pretty she is.

It effects men and boys too. That same weekend at the cottage my nephew said, Auntie Cori, if you’re healthy, how come your belly sticks out. I actually laughed inside because he asked it so innocently and it wasn’t his fault I was walking around reading a health magazine with abs of steel women splashed across its cover. I mean he didn’t say that’s why he asked but I wonder if it was?

It was an honest question and a very good one. My response to him was that you don’t have to have abs of steel to be healthy. And that even skinny people can be unhealthy. That health is based on much more than what’s on the outside. And also that having abs is great for people too if that’s what works for them.

Ahhh…

I was reminded at that moment how tricky and hard being a parent is and why I love being an aunt. 🙂

So to take it back to Women’s Day.

I have no idea what we need as women. I can only focus on myself. Check in with myself. Try to focus on things that empower me. Take my focus off of society’s unrealistic standards. Keep reinforcing positive thoughts over negative ones so that I don’t get pissed off at a simple instagram post. Share positive uplifting things on social media. I’m not doing a no make up selfie though. I’m not there yet. Spend less time getting the perfect pose and more time experiencing the moments. Less time criticizing parts of my body and more time giving them the love they deserve. Praise other women of all ages for their non- beauty related accomplishments.

And like Carrie Hammer said, “share the message and make impossible beauty a thing of the past.”

Advertisements
entrepreneur · self-employed · Uncategorized · uncertainty

Ignorance on Fire is better than Knowledge on Ice.

This is good to know. Because sometimes all I know for sure is that I won’t settle for less. That is the fire. The knowledge will come.

How long does it take evolve? The definition of evolve is, incremental changes over time.

Evolving can be a very uncertain journey at times. It takes times but it will happen.

Life is uncertain for me right now, or maybe just different. Two years ago I made the decision to leave my dream job that paid me very well to embark on an adventure with my husband.

We had always wanted to move to a new place (think California, Arizona, Vancouver, we even thought about Dubai at one point). Well, an opportunity presented itself where my hubby would have the exact role he was looking for, a step up in title, working at a luxury brand and I would also have a job with many of the things that I loved, sales marketing, social media, travelling for work, building my network in the meetings and events industry and learning a completely new side of the business in a city that although it rhymes with fun didn’t exactly have the year-round warm climate, ocean breeze or city vibe we were looking for. Instead we had a great opportunity in Regina, Saskatchewan, population 230,000, government city and cold AF in the winter.

The pros:

  • Both of us would have jobs
  • a stepping stone
  • a city where I already had a few friends through the job I left
  • And the best country music festival going #CountryThunder

I had visited Regina twice before in the Summer and thought it was a fantastic, highly underrated place. It had a chill vibe and a slower pace. I had heard people refer to it as a small city, big town.

So when we got this opportunity, we weighed out the pros and cons and decided that it was a new adventure. A big pro is that I would see more of my husband as we would both be on the same schedule and working very close to one another. And I wouldn’t be travelling as much! I decided that this time in my life would be like a spiritual wilderness retreat. I would finally have the time to slow down a little more and simplify life. And that it is exactly what I’ve done (begrudgingly at times).

First of all I haven’t lived away or too far away (less than an hour from my family) since my first year of college and I was so homesick when I did that. At least this time I would have my husband with me every step of the way.

So here we are, two years in and as I reflect, I see just how much has happened. First things first, my job was a big learning curve with lots of challenges but I did really well and met my targets. But something just wasn’t feeling right. I learned very quickly how much the freedom and autonomy of my previous jobs meant to me and my sanity.

The other thing that I found tough during this this transition was not having my support team, you know the people and things that take you away from work and remind you of who you really are and what’s important. And just the fun things that you do together, like having my mom nearby, going to the cottage or fun times in the city. Or my niece and nephew who instantly give me perspective and fill my heart up. And the TFC! I realize just how much the ritual of heading to the stadium, getting to our seats and losing ourselves in the match meant to me. It shuts your mind off, it allows you to escape and feel passion. And of course, my friends, the friendships that I’ve built over 38 years of my life.

But that is my comfort zone and I made the choice to grow over staying the same so fast forward to today. Something incredible happened with the job that I just wasn’t loving. It was like being in a cage for my free-spirited, creative, soul.

Ok so here’s what happened. You probably know or have heard of those people who weren’t happy in their job and they got laid off and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to them. I got to the point where I wanted to be that person. Seriously. So that I could break free and go on a new adventure, maybe it would be actually becoming the entrepreneur I always talked about becoming or maybe I could just take some time to travel, to slow down and to take care of my health (by the way my type 1 diabetes management is currently the best it’s been in a long time) or network and apply for the jobs that I know I want.

The day after my birthday, I went to work and found out that we were all being laid off due to restructuring. This meant I could apply for any of the new jobs with the caveat “only apply for what you really want as you will only get one offer.” There was only one position that I was willing to accept. and if I didn’t get that very sought after position it was freedom time. Well I didn’t get it.

So here I am, six months into my entrepreneurial experience and loving it but also uncertain most of the time. I have a few things I’m working on, I’m freelancing as a business development consultant and I have three clients! When I told my husband, about the two additional clients I landed, he looked at me and said. “You have a little business babe!” I think I was still in a little bit of shock or denial until I heard someone else say it to me. And sometimes I don’t give myself enough credit. So I took a moment and to really appreciate that this was happening and more importantly that I could do this!

But I can’t stop there, I have to think about how I can sustain this and grow it. And evolve it all into some of the bigger dreams I have.

That said, I often have no idea if what I’m doing is the right thing and if this will lead to running a successful business. I am so used to measuring myself based on my sales numbers. But now that I have a much larger role, leadership (of myself), creative director, human resources, professional development manager, sales consultant, coordinator, etc. etc so I am learning to measure my success differently.

Health is my number 1 priority as my own boss. So many corporations say this is a core value in their business but sadly, the rubber rarely meets the road when it comes to actually implementing this value.

Professional development. Opening my mind up to new ideas. Constantly bringing in fresh new information from thought leaders and people that I respect. Reading, podcasts, courses, investing in new skills like web design, email marketing, communications and anything else that is needed to get my business off the ground. Investing in my business feels hard sometimes.. because I have no idea if there will be a return on investment… but as long as I actually put action behind the investment then the ROI will be there, because learning a new skill is never a waste of money.

I thought I should put my new ways of measuring my success into 5 core values.

Here they are:

  1. Health
  • Did I workout regularly this week?
  • How was my nutrition?
  • Did I meditate?
  • Did I take brain and movement breaks throughout the day?

2. Professional Development

  • Did I work on something PD related daily? Podcast/book/course?

3.Vision/Alignment

  • Did my work today align with my values?
  • Did I pursue an opportunity that will lead me toward my vision or the feeling I am looking to achieve. For example working with people, organizations and causes who share my core values (treat their people well/treat the world well)

4. Balance (could fall under health):

  • I did not leave the 9-5, 40hr work week to trade it in for an 80hr work week. Hey, if you believe that is what you need to do to grow your own business that’s great! It’s just not for me. And I’ve met people, worked with people and learned from other successful entrepreneurs who also did not work 80 hours a week to get that success.
  • Vacation, easy mornings (meditation, stretching, water and coffee, this might seem odd but honestly, the amount of stress I went through every morning could not have been good!)
  • Phone down in the evenings

5. Service

  • How am I giving back to the world personally and professionally? We’ve heard this over and over again, the key to an abundant life is serving others and giving back.

And that’s it.

Oh one more thing, do something every day that scares me! Maybe every week… ? We will see how that goes.

This is all I know right now. I can only trust in myself, accept my fears for what they are, or at least recognize the self limiting beliefs and move through them.

There are so many “reasons” why I may not be successful but I’ve also spent many years looking at others doing it, and saying, if they can do it, why can’t I?

I am a strong believer that our visions, desires and dreams are put in our hearts and minds for a reason and it’s our job (if we choose) to bring them to life! I know this because I have already brought so many of my dreams to life!

And even the not so perfect things that have manifested in my life have always brought me more internal growth than I could have ever thought up myself. Even the things I don’t necessarily like very much have been gifts because they’ve shown me what I don’t want, and I learn from that contrast. It has reinforced my values and it has shown me that I deserve to feel valued, respected and treated like a person, not a number.

It has pushed me to finally say, enough is enough and make a change, choose the road less travelled, the one without a clear path. Some might say that’s scary and yes, uncertainty is not always super fun but for me, I reached the point where the fear of staying the same (clocking in, clocking out, living out of alignment, hustling to make someone else rich and make their dreams come true while mine sit on the back burner) became greater than the fear of change!

How long can I sit and wonder, what if? If not now, when?

To me getting to my senior years, retiring and still having this entrepreneurial fire smouldering within me, that is what scares me.

Queen B, sums this up perfectly!

Uncategorized

How an Energy Vampire can help you Reach your Goals!

We only have so much energy every day. So we need to spend it wisely.

A friend and I were discussing this topic the other night. As women were we taught to be caretakers of everyone but ourselves?

If we were or not, after a while we have to care for ourselves first. And we have to accept one hundred percent responsibility for the energy that comes in and out of our lives.

And every once in a while we might need to feel the sting or the consequence of absorbing other people’s energy. It will serve as a good reminder to get back on track in your own life. To stay focused on what is important to you and to the people who truly matter in your life, the ones who will always have your back. And to stop wasting time and energy on the ones who don’t.

You don’t have to cut these energy vamps out of your life completely but you can slowly back away.

And when you back away you can re-align with your needs.

It’s hard to know when you’re absorbing people’s energy. I mean relationships are all about energy flowing back and forth. So don’t beat yourself up if you suddenly realize that a person you were flowing with doesn’t have the same values as you or doesn’t respect your relationship the same way you would have. It’s going to happen. We were all brought up with different values and experiences. Take the good and leave the rest behind.

Instead of becoming upset that someone you have helped out or been there for has wronged you in some way, share your feelings honestly (and if to do so will not create more drama) and move on. Or don’t. Sometimes saying nothing is the best option. Either way, now you know where not to spend your time and energy. Win!

Ask yourself if you were giving your energy to seek some sort of approval or validation to help you feel better about yourself. If you were now you’ve learned a really valuable lesson, and that is, you do not need anyone else’s approval. You are enough and they are just another human who cannot make you feel anything. Your feeling like enough can only come from within.

If you were actually just being kind and giving your energy freely because that’s what friends do, then way to go! You’re a good person! That’s called integrity. You did the right thing for the right reason. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You may however just want to reevaluate if it’s in your best interest to continue to give to that relationship in that way.

Now, the hard part… try not to judge. We all make mistakes. We are all on our journey. Judging will only add more negative energy to your vibe. And that’s exactly what we are trying to have less of. Lovingly detach, look after yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s self care.

Take this experience and use it to help propel you forward. Losing time in other people’s stuff could just be a distraction that you’re creating so you don’t have to focus on your own life, goals and dreams. Ouch! I know, that’s a tough pill to swallow. But honestly, take that time and energy and put it toward something you’ve always wanted to do.

How do you deal with energy vampires? Have you ever discovered a relationships that did not have mutual values? Did you walk away from (or ghost) that relationship?

Uncategorized

My D Blog Week Favourite Things :: Day 7

Today’s Task: share a few of our favorite thingsc from the week. This can be anything from a #DBlogWeek post you loved, a fantastic new-to-you blog you found, a picture someone included in a post that spoke to you, or comment left on your blog that made you smile. Anything you liked is worth sharing!

When I started to think about writing today’s post… This came to mind… “You get a car, you get a car, you get a car… “We’re going to AUUUUSSSSTTTTRRRRRAAAAIIILLLLIAAAA!!!!” (If
In case you’ve lived under a rock for the last decade, like my husband apparently has, that was my Oprah during her Favourite Things show impression) 😉

All kidding aside though, this week has been wonderful!
Here are my favourite things:

1. This comment made me ball my eyes out! https://coriannh.wordpress.com/2014/05/15/what-brings-me-down-day-3-dblogweek/comment-page-1/#comment-25

2. Connecting with so many people all in one week! Some of them I’ve been admiring from the sidelines for a few years now! Like Mike at http://www.thediabeticscornerbooth.com, Karen at http://bittersweetdiabetes.com/, Kelly at http://diabetesaliciousness.blogspot.com/

3. A shout out from Amy T at http://www.diabetesmine.com

4. Discovered lots of new blogs. Two that stood out for me were, Sarah Grace at http://www.coffeeandinsulin.com and Kelley at http://www.coffeeandinsulin.com

Thank you everyone! I really hope that I get to know you all better and maybe even meet you IRL!!

Type 1 diabetes · Uncategorized

Saturday snapshots :: D Blog Week :: Day 6

I almost forget this one. Living in the city where Insulin was discovered! Is it a coindidence that our citiy's icon looks like a giant syringe?
I almost forget this one. Living in the city where Insulin was discovered! Is it a coindidence that our citiy’s icon looks like a giant syringe?
image

I take a lot of photos on my phone as I travel through life. So for today’s post I scrolled through my camera roll and chose some pics that show what diabetes looks like in my life. I’ve always been trying to do a #100happydaysdiabetes challenge on twitter (before dblog week started and took over my life lol)so I had lots to choose from.

Working out regularly to stay healthy
Working out regularly to stay healthy
Checked my bg mid boot camp and dropped my bag! I thought the test strip confetti was hilarious.. My fellow boot campers probably thought I was having some sort of diabetic "episode" lol. Cue the next image.
Checked my bg mid boot camp and dropped my bag! I thought the test strip confetti was hilarious.. My fellow boot campers probably thought I was having some sort of diabetic “episode” lol. Cue the next image.
Well it's not really awesome but our community is
Well it’s not really awesome but our community is
Making really awesome friends who also have Footie fanatic syndrome.
Making really awesome friends who also have Footie fanatic syndrome.
Eating healthy most of the time... Usually when my wonderful husband whips something up.I said most of the time... Yes I am eating bbq in above photo including corn bread  and it was damn good!
Eating healthy most of the time… Usually when my wonderful husband whips something up.I said most of the time… Yes I am eating bbq in above photo including corn bread and it was damn good!
Our wedding day... Another dream come true <3
Our wedding day… Another dream come true ❤

Having a blast with my niece and nephew. D can't stop us!
Having a blast with my niece and nephew. D can’t stop us!
Just like we've always done! This is me and my bro in Florida with mom and our Pa. D was always with us but I remember more of the good times than the bad times when I look back now.
Just like we’ve always done! This is me and my bro in Florida with mom and our Pa. D was always with us but I remember more of the good times than the bad times when I look back now.
Celebrating these times
Celebrating these times
Remembering this. Always.
Remembering this. Always.

Uncategorized

Mantras and More :: day 4 :: D BlogWeek

Today(actually yesterday’s) topic for d blog week is Mantras and More.

Today’s task: “share what gets you through a hard day? Or, more specifically, a hard diabetes day? Something positive you tell yourself, or mantras, or what you fall back on to get you through. Maybe we’ve done that and we can help others do it too? (Thanks to Meri of Our Diabetic Life for suggesting this topic.)”

dblog

Woo Hoo I love this topic!!! Was super busy yesterday doing a whole bunch of awesome stuff so I am posting this a day late!

About 10 years ago I discovered meditation and found something I had no idea I was looking for! I also got into yoga around the same time.

Diabetes can cause me to be moody biatch sometimes. You know, that moment when you are overcome with emotion and you stop in the middle of it and think, I better test my blood sugar? That’s happened to me before. Sometimes it’s because my blood sugar is high. And sometimes it’s because I’m a human being I guess.

The other day I woke up feeling so irritable that I could barely stand myself. Like I said in my last post, I used to run away from everything. Especially my feelings about being a diabetic and being “different”. My mom was told when I was young that I would have a deep hatred within me for/from the disease. I’m not sure if that is a medical fact but I definitely went in and out of phases in my late teens and early twenties that would support that theory.

When I started practicing yoga and meditation I started to heal that void inside of me. It grounded me and reconnected me to my true self. I started writing gratitude lists regularly and focusing on all the good things and blessings in my life.

I came across this Eleanor Roosevelt quote around the time of my spiritual awakening,
“The future belongs to those who BELIEVE in the BEAUTY of their DREAMS.”
When I meditate I get to stop and think about the things I believe in like happiness, love, hope, acceptance, faith and kindness. I think about the awesome people in my life, the opportunities I have to grow and learn, meet new people, the adventures I get live. And the more I focused on all that juiciness the more I seemed to attract to me. My dreams started to come true!

So the other day when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I grabbed my iPod and hit play on one of my Oprah and Deepak meditations and slowly but surely I snapped out of it.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to do a DOC group meditation?? All of us from around the globe stopping at the same time to breath and send out good vibes. Maybe we can meditate for the cure?? Maybe the universe will answer our call?? Maybe our biggest dream
Of all could come true too?

Let me know if you’re interested…

231030_10715715719_982_n.jpg

Uncategorized

What Brings Me Down Day 3 DBlogWeek

dblog

The topic for today is What Brings Me Down. May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?

Being a t1D sucks. We all know that. I’ve been living with it for 30 years. I could probably write a list of things that bring me down so long that I’d still be here writing it 30 years from now.

What I didn’t realize until three years ago was how much it hurts to be a person who loves a person with T1D.

It was about this time of year, we had celebrated my nieces first birthday about 4 months earlier and her brother’s third birthday had just passed. I was over at my brother’s hanging out with him and my sweeties, who as of now are the closest things I have to children. My brother says to me, ” I think she has diabetes.” I look at him in disbelief and sluff it off (him and I can be both be a little paranoid about health issues at times). I respond, “Why would you think that?”
“She’s really been going though a lot of diapers.”
“Nah, I don’t think so, you are probably paranoid. Just take her to the doctor and find out for sure.”
The next day at work my cell phone rings and it’s him. Why is he calling me in the middle of the work day? My brother is not a “call and chat” kind of guy.
(I am tearing up as I try to relive this phone call…)
Through tears, he tells me her blood is 18. I try to reason with him. “Maybe she had a big breakfast? Maybe it was a mistake. Check it again.”
I went through so many emotions. I wrote about it last year http://wp.me/p359TO-e

Clearly until three years ago, I only knew and felt that I was the one with the illness. I was the one feeling the lows, getting pricked and poked, being controlled and so on that I never really quite understood until I felt it myself how much it hurt when someone you love so much is diagnosed with this life altering illness. Someone so small and precious. When I think about what brings me down the most about diabetes it’s that she has it. She has to feel all the feelings that we all know so well. Her brother has to wrap his little boy mind around it and her parents haven’t had a full nights sleep in three years. For some reason I can deal with the fact that I have had to live this life but as much as I try to be positive about everything and know that she will be fine too, I still hate (hate is a strong word but hey, if the shoe fits) that anyone especially my niece has to deal with this. Hasn’t my family been through enough with me?

As I write this though, I think of this community and I know that you all feel the same way. There are people in this community who have more than one child with D. Parents who have D and also have children with D. It just doesn’t seem fair! I guess that is the mystery of life. And now that I am super bummed from thinking and writing about this, I have to switch my thinking around. That’s how I cope. I have to find gifts even though it’s not fair. Dealing with life on life’s terms and accepting that this is how it is and that I can either make the best of it or let it swallow me whole.
Why not my family? Why not me? Everyone in this big ol’ world has something to deal with.

And although the cure is not here yet the advances in technology have come a long way and complications in T1Ds are declining. So to cope, I count the days blessings and not the days worries as much as possible. I realize that I have an opportunity to be a role model to my niece. I want her to see that people with D are normal (mostly haha), and can do ANYTHING their hearts desire. I want her to see a healthy diabetic who lives a long amazing life, who is happy and doesn’t let D bring her down. But I also want her to know that it’s ok to not be ok and to be sad sometimes too because that is normal. She inspires me to take the best care of myself as possible.

There are many ways to cope with feeling down, but sometimes the best way is just to feel the feelings and not always try to run away from them. Usually they pass just like dark clouds and the sun always comes out again.